my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
