There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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