I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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