and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
