shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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