You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
