She's JV to your varsity
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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