wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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