is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
