just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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