I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
