butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
