He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
