cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
