Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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