Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you would pick up someone in the library
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
