You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
