he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
