Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
