so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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