kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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