you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
50% drunk capacity currently
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
