I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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