I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
