Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
