I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just high enough for therapy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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