I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
