Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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