I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
