its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
