Soap is not a condiment
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
