i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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