you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
