to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
