I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we're making bets on your personal life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
