Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
