How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
