first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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