Buhtt sex?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
