just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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