We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
