I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
