I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
