I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
