Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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