I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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