when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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