Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
