I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
