she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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