I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
